The Accidental (Newlywed): Never Say Never

Two years ago today, the Sunday morning of Labor Day weekend, 2017, I walked down an aisle at Charleston’s Mills House Hotel and said “I do” to Allan Benezra, a lifetime New Yorker who in his wildest dreams also never expected to remarry or to relocate to the Southeast.

But despite having said “Never again” a million times to friends and family members, the decision for both of us, each widowed in 2013, was the best decision we could have made.

At the wedding, my adult children and their wives carried the chuppah, the traditional Jewish canopy under which we were married (which was my brother’s prayer shawl). My brother officiated, Allan’s brother was his best man, and Allan’s daughter my maid of honor. It was truly a picture of two families coming together and one of the very happiest days of my life.

It is hard to describe what it is like to be a newlywed in your mid-60s, but needless to say, it is a life-affirming moment. It means that you are willing to love and to live whole-heartedly, with the faith that you will have years to create new, happy memories with someone you love and with someone who loves you.

It means you are not afraid to grow old with someone, and to share the wrinkles, aches and pains that might greet you in the morning. But it also means you are eager to pop the Advil or Aleve and start your day, because life is grander than you ever expected it would be again.

Perhaps most important of all, it means you have someone to take care of and someone to take care of you. I have spent the entire afternoon cooking, just as I did every Sunday for decades while I worked, planning for my family for the week ahead. I didn’t realize how much I needed and wanted to take care of someone.

And, in our particular case, it means we weren’t afraid to “reach out and touch someone.” In our generation, that line referred to the telephone. But in today’s world, those introductions are made on-line. Yes, even in our mid-60s, Allan and I met on JDate, (a young colleague of mine created my profile because I said “Never”), and the rest is history, still to be made.

Happy Anniversary, Allan.